


Soldat

by iraot



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mentions of Pregnancy, Vaginal Sex, of age reader, protector and protected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:41:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26160547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iraot/pseuds/iraot
Summary: She's known him for so long now, she wonders if she's a part of him. This isn't the first time he's found himself between her thighs, and she thanks all the Gods that it won't be the last.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, winter soldier/reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 103





	Soldat

##  **2015**

It's been a long time since she's seen him watching her as if it's part of his job description, but it's not. She'd seen him on the news just a year before, the things they had said about him - none of it could be true. Though, she knew deep inside that he hadn't been out just to protect her. That would be pointless in the grand scheme of things. A part of her wonders what it is that draws him in - or how he manages to find out exactly where she lives. As her heart pounds in her chest, she thinks about the things he'll do - the things he's done to her. Her eyes flicker to the door of her room and he shuts the door before moving towards the bed.   
  
She craves him, and he must crave her too or else he wouldn't keep coming back.. This time is different though, she can feel it - like he's on the precipice of something. It wasn't always like this, no - he was her protector before, still is. Though now, the feelings that were once summed up in hugs or soft pats to her head are now replaced with rough lips pressed against hers as he rips noises out of her that no one else has ever been able to.

* * *

##  **1994**

The first time she saw the Soldier was when she was around five years old, hiding in her father's office. There had been a commotion outside the flimsy wooden door, and he'd told her to hide knowing what was to happen if she were found by Hydra. The same thing that happened to everyone who was weaker than them but of some use; everyone knew there wasn't only one asset in their clutches - they could make more. 

It'd have been impossible for him to not know she was there with how she was crying, despite the hand that covered her mouth. When her father's body fell to the floor he could hear the hitch in her throat as she choked back a cry for a man who no longer existed. The mission was complete once he was dead, no longer a use to Hydra - no longer a working component to the many heads who thought they were doing the world a favor. He looked at the closet for a moment or two before stalking towards it and opening the sliding door, the girl curled up against the wall pressing her small figure as she cried for him not to hurt her. 

For a moment she thought his eyes looked softer - like he was feeling something he hadn't when he'd shot her father point blank in the head. Slowly, as if to tame a wild animal, he stroked her cheek and murmured comforting words in another language she didn't understand. When he pulled his hand away he put a finger to his lips before shutting the door - shrouding the closet in darkness. She stayed there till her mother came home. She found her dazed and seemingly unresponsive staring at the floor she sat on.. She'd never been quite the same after that. 

##  **1999**

The second time she saw the soldier, she was ten. It was the end of the day and she was walking home from school after she'd spent a good portion of time tutoring. The city was always busy, everyone always rushing somewhere - always having somewhere to be. Setting a timer on her watch, she had made it a priority to get home before her favorite shows began. She walked down an empty alleyway to head home, it cut through some busier streets saving about twenty minutes of walking. She had never had an issue walking this way before, it was usually always empty save for a few restaurant employees who would be tossing out trash into the dumpster. However, this time she stumbled upon a few sketchy characters; they called out, asked her ' where you were going?', what her name was. Her heart was hammering in her chest as the voices grew louder but demanding but just as one of them grabbed her arm he was gone.   
  
The deafening sound of a skull cracking against a wall and there he was. The body slumped at his feet, he turned to look at the other two men who scrambled off. A part of her knew she should be scared but couldn't bring herself to be, he'd saved her hadn't he? She remembered this man, the mask and the soldier's outfit.   
  
"Thank you," her voice spoke softly and again; his eyes softened. He stroked her cheek, he was saying something in the same language as before - one she couldn't understand it.   
  
Removing the mask on his face he knelt to look her in the eyes, "Walk the safe way, not the easy way. I won't always be here to protect you," his voice was rough, likely from disuse not that her ten year old self would have ever noticed as much. He nodded to the end of the alley way, motioning for her to finish her walk home. She nodded in understanding before giving him one last look then running home, never telling her mother about the masked man who saved you but had also been the cause of all her grief.. She swore he watched the entire way, she wished she knew why. 

##  **2004**

It was another five years before she saw him again, but she had a feeling he'd been around more often than she'd known about. She was fifteen, walking home from a party her friends had ditched her at. A few drinks in her system and she had decided she didn't quite like the space they were in. The walk home was long, and as she began the trek she hummed to herself to pass the time. Walking along the curb her foot slipped, but before she could do any real damage an arm slipped around her waist, hoisting her into their arms. For a moment panic gripped her, till she looked up at the person who was holding her. The panic slipped away and was replaced by almost a giddy feeling - she had been wondering what had happened to him - he looked the same as the last time she'd seen him.

"You." she whispered softly, her eyes meeting his icy blues, and her chest filled with warmth. 

"You're reckless." His voice was to the point, no emotion on his face as he carried her down the empty street. "I am taking you home."   
  
Huffing a little at his chastising she rolled her eyes, "Yeah, like you never did anything like this before," she mumbled, and he looked at her as if he was trying to recall a memory. There were vague flashes of lights and a failure of a flying car but he couldn't place what memories they were - or who they belonged to.   
  
"What's your name?" she queried softly as she looked at him, and he shook his head then set her onto her feet. "You have one don't you?" a small smile teased as she grabbed his arm, he stiffened at the contact.   
  
Removing the hand from his arm gently as he looked down at her, his eyes intense but the unknown kindness still lingering, "Go to bed, it's late." he motioned to the front door causing her to huff in obstinance.   
  
"But I don't want to go to bed," she mumbled as she looked at him, "Besides… you never stay long." her eyes lingered on his face for a moment before he sighed, seemingly annoyed with the nearly drunk teenager intent on disobeying him. He pushed her towards the front door, steering her up the steps one at a time making sure she didn't fall.   
  
"Go," his voice demanding and serious. With a heavy sigh she unlocked the front door of the brownstone then turned to look at him before walking into the house. When she peeked out the window, he was gone. The tipsy teenager, dejected, walked to her bedroom.. Knowing the following day she'd get an earful from her mother who didn't bother to care much unless it affected her.   
  
Some days, she thought of the soldier and how he seemed to be the only one who cared for her. It wouldn't have been so sad if it weren't for the circumstances in which they had met. When she laid her head down on her pillow, not removing the clothes from the party or taking off her shoes she thought of the blue stormy eyes that seemed to soften every time they met hers.   
  


##  **2008**

It's four years before she sees him again, this time she's different. She's graduated from high school and she's a sophomore at New York University majoring in Early Childhood Education. Her mother had encouraged her to go into biomedical engineering but she had no taste for it. The math was too difficult and the men her mother worked with involved in the field reminded her of the reason her father was killed right in front of her. She is crossing the street when she sees him, and as she makes it to the other side she notes he is gone. 

There isn't much she can do, but she knows that won't be all. He is only seen when he wants to be, and she can't help but feel a tinge excitement run up her spine. It'd been a while since she'd thought of him. Several years had passed, she'd assumed he'd have come around sooner but once her life grew busy - she knew better than to get her hopes up. When she unlocked the door to her dorm room she gasped seeing him sitting on the edge of her bed in the small studio. As luck would have it, even though her mother didn't like her major she wouldn't allow her to live in a cramped space with someone she didn't know.

"I.. I was wondering when you'd come," she murmured as she pulled her gloves off setting them on the kitchen counter. Her bag hung on the back of the door and her coat hung over that. When she turned back around he was closer, close enough she could feel the warmth of his skin, but she wasn't scared. Reaching up slowly as not to scare him she pulled the mask off his face. "You look the same,"   
  
"You don't." his voice was gravelly and low, she wasn't quite sure why it struck her so deeply as it did. Smiling a little, "That happens when someone gets older," her eyes stare into his and his hand gently grasps hers. His brow furrowing as he shakes his head, as if he isn't quite understanding something. "What's wrong?" she whispered softly as he brought her palm to his cheek his eyes closed as he took a shuddering breath. He didn't answer, instead he pressed his mouth to hers and she relented; leaning into his strong frame. A feral growl escaped him, and she knew then he was human, even if the way he moved or seemed to function reminded her of a robot. He was different, despite his metal arm and emotionless facade; he was hanging onto the very things that made him a man.  
  
He pulled away and hissed as if he were in pain,"This is… wrong," he whispered as he looked away from her. A look of shame crossing his features, knitting her brow she moved towards him but he took two steps back. The struggle that he was fighting was obvious behind his eyes, and she remembered how she'd dreamt of them but in her dreams they never quite looked so blown out or wild.  
  
"Why would it be wrong?" her lips still tingled from where his facial hair had rubbed against her cheeks. "I want you to kiss me, you can touch me." the thoughts had never crossed her mind before but now that he was in front of her - she wanted nothing more. Her protector, her savior, he'd been the only affectionate constant in her life since the day her father had died. He watched her carefully before his hands moved to her waist again, "Can..you help me?" he motioned to the clothing he wore. Intricate straps of leather buckling him in as if he were going out for war, it was unlikely he'd ever be able to get it off on his own. Her hands set to work, with each strap she removed his vest became more loose. She pushed it over his shoulders then smiled a little.   
  
"There," she whispered, her fingers gliding over the exposed him. Her eyes took in the marred flesh where his metal arm joined into his body. "You must have been in a lot of pain." the sadness in her voice seemed to shock him. Pressing her lips to the scarred flesh she walked him backwards towards the queen bed. "Pain isn't everything, I can show you."   
  
His hands cupped her face, his thumbs stroking her cheeks. The look in his eyes wasn't like the ones he'd given her before, not protective or exasperated with her constant ability to get into trouble; to be so near getting hurt. He slots his mouth against hers, his tongue brushing hers whenever her lips parted. She swore against his mouth, never had she been kissed this way before. So desperately, like she'd slip away from him if he didn't hold on tight, as if when his mouth left hers she'd be a part of his imagination. A soft sigh escapes her and she wonders if this is the man beneath all the pain, there must be a story - there had to be something about him that used to be more human than the person he is now. She doesn't know all the information about him, but she knows enough - he is tortured, and he hasn't felt a gentle touch in a long time. "I don't remember," he whispered softly, "they make me forget… everything but you, they could never - "  
  
"Let's give them something else they can't take from you then… something that's yours alone," her lips slanted over his again as he sat on the edge of the bed pulling her into his lap. His hands cupping her backside and squeezing her firmly in his hands. The soft flesh molding to his grasp as he ground her hips over his. A groan leaving his lips as she pressed herself against him, skirts bunching up at her thighs, her hips rutting against his own. She raked her fingers down his back over his skin, and he growled before moving them so he was hovering over her on the bed. The dress was pulled over her head with a surprising amount of gentleness, and he returned to worshiping her body. She swore she felt his lips move against her neck in some kind of prayer and right then she felt like a goddess. Metal fingers moved over her skin, leaving cool trails of raised flesh in their wake, his mouth sought out the soft flesh of her chest, biting and sucking at the skin of her collarbone.   
  
She arched her back unclasping it then tossing it to the floor tired of the barrier between them, giving him what she knew he wanted. All his attention focused on the soft mounds in front of him, his lips - though somewhat dry - attached to her breast, his tongue flicking over the sensitive nub as it hardened - peaking for his attention. It was like he remembered this, perhaps from another time - another life, but it felt practiced. 

"Don't stop," her voice pleaded with a gasp as he moved to the other breast leaving it with equal amounts of attention before his hands slid down her waist then to her hips. He pulled her underwear down her hips. Her hands moved to his belt pulling it off and tossing it to the side of the room, her fingers worked on his buttons then pulled the zipper down. A soft moan escaped her when she realized she wasn't wearing anything under his pants. 

"Get those off,"  
  
"Yes, ma'am. " he mumbled and it was the first verbal sign that he was just as eager for this as she was, the first sign of the man that was hidden behind those sad eyes. The ones that had haunted and protected her for so long. His jeans hit the floor and she was consumed with the sight of him, but there was a heady tinge to the air; she wanted him in her. He grasped his length in his hand moaning softly as he rubbed the head of his cock against her slick folds. He pushed himself between them wetting them liberally with her own wetness.   
  
"Please," she begged him, and he didn't need to be asked twice as he positioned himself at her entrance, slowly he edged forward letting her take him inch by inch. Her small gasps letting him know he was far bigger than anyone she'd ever had before, her body trembling under his. The asset pressed his mouth to her's hungrily , tasting the sounds that fell from her swollen lips. With small concise thrusts he takes his time till he is fully seated within her, his breath coming out in pants at the control it takes to not plunge into her with one thrust. A groan was swallowed by her this time as her walls tensed around him, pulling him deeper within.   
  
He stroked her hair, keeping his lips attached to hers, his tongue moving against hers before giving a small experimental roll of his hips. For several minutes the thrusts are slow and shallow, giving her body time to adjust to his sze and for her to get used to the feeling of being so full. "Please, more more." her voice whines against his lips, the thrusts that were once for comfort are now nothing but a tease of what he was capable of.  
  
Wetting his lips he pulled her thighs up around his waist before shaking his head, sitting up just enough so he could put both her legs over his shoulders. He leans back down slowly claiming her mouth as he pulls back half way then thrusting back into her; a loud moan echoes against his mouth miming his groans as he repeats the motion. His pace shakes the bed, making the frame hti the wall over and over till he hears her first orgasm fall from her lips but he doesn't stop.  
  
She feels as if she's flying on a cloud, the sensation of him filling her over and over, her thighs being pressed to her chest now by his hands as he reaches a space inside her she's never known possible. "Oh fuck," she gasps when he thrusts particularly hard her whole body jolting wth every movement. His growls and moans are the only thing on her mind, but when her eyes meet his and the expression on his face paired with his parted lips; she comes again. It rolls through her body like a quake before he begins to pound into her relentlessly - no noise escapes her now. Silent screams of pleasure but the nails in his skin tell him he is doing something very right.   
  
When he comes in her, he is loud and his voice bounces off the walls of her dorm room - he doesn't stop moving until he feels her walls fluttering and squeezing his length. "Fuck," he resounds as he cages himself over her, panting echos the room and they both know that he can't stay but he'd rather be nowhere else. 

##  **2011**

She's not avoiding him, but he hasn't found her and the game they're playing now is coy. Hunter and the hunted. She likes to keep him guessing, even if she wants nothing more than to keep him by her side. The people who control him, Hydra, they don't know about her. At least he doesn't think so, he's been careful so far - making sure to never leave a trace of her on him. When she opens the door to her apartment she freezes, he's here. God, how she missed him and she shut the door behind her before dropping everything to rush towards him. He all but rips his mask off and claims her mouth the second she is close enough. It's been too long. 

"I missed you," she whimpered and he shoves her pants down her legs, she kicks them off before he lifts her pressing her back into the wall. His metal arm holds her steady as his flesh one releases himself from the confines of his pants, and then he is in her, it's like he never left. Her moans echo off the walls as he gives her what he's been wanting to for so long - never again - she vowed. She'd never run from him again, not when him finding her is so sweet. 

He is speaking in a language she can't understand, but the sentiment is understood. His hushed tones as he kisses her, his harsh thrusts as he bottoms out each time his hips pound into hers, his hands gripping her thighs and holding her open for him. " ** _Mine_**." he growls against her mouth, and she comes around at him at the declaration because that's all she ever wanted.  
  
He fills her with his release, his moans swallowed by her mouth as she clings to him desperately. Though, with the speed that he took her she knew he didn't have a lot of time, and she strokes his cheek softly as tears fill her eyes. "Don't go," she pleads to him but he kisses her again before gently setting her on her feet. "Please,"  
  
"I can't stay," he whispers softly, but I want to. It hangs in the air, and he fixes his pants then kisses her again, his hands pulling her close as if he is trying to imprint her body on his own and she soaks in the moment. This might be the last for a while, and she hopes that the next time she sees him - he might be able to be hers.

##  **2015**

Exhaustion runs through her very veins, and she's not been getting much sleep. With the new job, and her son running the halls of their small apartment she can't help but think of the man who had gifted him to her. Was he like this as a child? Was he ever able to be so carefree and able to laugh so freely? A small smile comes to her face as he walks over to her kissing her cheek before climbing into her lap. It's well past his bedtime but the last few weeks he's been stubborn, not wanting to sleep or waking in the middle of the night. When he is finally settled she carries him to his room and lays him in his bed. 

A part of her wonders if maybe the toddler bed was too soon, but there was the considerably more dangerous option that he'd crack his head open climbing out of the crib.Walking to the living room she picks up the toys and tosses them into the chest in the corner, blankets, clothes all over the floor are now in the laundry. After washing dishes for an excessive amount of time, she showers then heads to bed. It's well past two in the morning when she wakes with a start, hearing her floor creak in a way that's too heavy to be the three year asleep down the hall. Sitting up she turns on the light next to her bed.

It's been a long time since she's seen him watching her as if it's part of his job description, but it's not. She'd seen him on the news just a year before, the things they had said about him - none of it could be true. Though, she knew deep inside that he hadn't been out just to protect her. That would be pointless in the grand scheme of things. A part of her wonders what it is that draws him in - or how he manages to find out exactly where she lives. As her heart pounds in her chest, she thinks about the things he'll do - the things he's done to her. Her eyes flicker to the door of her room and he shuts the door before moving towards the bed.   
  
She craves him, and he must crave her too or else he wouldn't keep coming back.. This time is different though, she can feel it - like he's on the precipice of something. It wasn't always like this, no - he was her protector before, still is. Though now, the feelings that were once summed up in hugs or soft pats to her head are now replaced with rough lips pressed against hers as he rips noises out of her that no one else has ever been able to.

He looks different, feels different too. He has more meat on his bones and he feels more aware, more human. His movements are smooth, less precise or thought out. His hands cup her face and she whines against him, he rips back the blanket, his clothes falling to the floor without a second thought. It was almost as if they'd been banished from his skin with how quickly they came off his body. "Fuck, I missed you, doll."   
  
**_Doll._** that was new, but she didn't hate it - keening at the name he'd given her she realizes now that he must have escaped. He must be safe, because he was here with her after so long. Her eyes watered as he ground himself against her, "Shh, it's okay," he whispered kissing her again, his tongue moving on hers as if they'd been doing this every day for years instead of a grand total of two times before he left her with an ever present memory of his existence. "I'm stayin' now, never gonna leave you again."  
  
When his body fit into hers she moaned softly, instead of harsh rough thrusts they were slow but hard. Keeping a tentative pace as his eyes roved over her expression hoping he wasn't reading her wrong. "Never again," she whispered hopefully and he nodded, capturing her lips with his as he gripped her thighs moving into her marginally quicker.   
  
A breathless cry escaped her as she came around him, and he was not far after coating her walls with his release. His lips trailed down her neck, to the valley of her breasts, and he traced the lines in her skin. "I'm sorry I wasn't here," he whispered gently, and she felt his tears hit her skin.   
  
"You're here now… " she murmured, stroking her fingers through his hair and he nodded. He kissed each line of her abdomen that carried their child.   
  
Bucky nodded, his eyes seeking out hers and for the first time since he'd come to love her he could show her just how much. There was nothing in this world that could take him from her, not again. "For as long as you want me,"   
  
" _Forever then_ ," 


End file.
